this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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