Whod you bang
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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