My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
