Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
