I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
