OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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