Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
