sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
