you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
