O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
