she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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