SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
