The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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