NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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