I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
and she was petting her beer can
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
