I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
