Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
