I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I am available for nakedness
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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