I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
