Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
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