I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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