I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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