R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
