You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
