from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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