I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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