I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
