turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
