K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
