Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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