hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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