what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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