Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
