Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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