i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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