I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
