so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
