watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
