Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
