I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
