fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
