I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
