This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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