You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Randomize
