You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
