My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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