oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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