And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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