Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
