Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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