he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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