Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
