you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
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