she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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