dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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