someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
