There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
