so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
