It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just googled if crying burns calories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize