I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
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He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
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My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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