I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
