....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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