living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
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